Your Story for 2025
So, it’s that time of year again when some are celebrating the successes of the past year, while others may feel they have nothing to celebrate. Some might even be celebrating the fact that they have simply survived the year. There is no right or wrong way to feel at this time of year; how you feel is personal and unique to you and your story. It may be hard for you to see others celebrating if this year has been a difficult one for you. Conversely, you may have had a wonderful year with much to be happy about, and seeing others struggle might make you feel guilty.
Life is not linear; it can take many twists and turns. But have you ever wondered why some people seem to bounce back from these twists and turns more easily than others? Is it just luck or something more?
In part, it is due to the story they tell themselves—yes, those annoying thoughts again. Their approach is to see these twists and turns as turning points rather than landmark events that define their story.
“Human beings are storytellers. It is human nature to make meaning of our lives by organizing what happens to us into stories. We live our stories as if they were true. We tell stories to understand what happens to us and to provide us with a framework to shape our new experience. We are immersed in our stories.” Stephen Joseph, Ph.D. (2012).
1Meichenbaum-WE-ARE-THE-STORIES-WE-TELL.pdf
I want you to focus on the line “We live our stories as if they were true” and ask yourself: Are you doing this? Could you change your story to one that would be more helpful to you?
Remember this: your thoughts are not facts. They are just ideas, hypotheses—the truth can be very different!
Positive emotions bolster our resilience. Optimism, forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude, humour—all of these allow us flexibility within our thinking. We are no longer bullied by our emotions. This resilience is something that those who bounce back have learned to develop. They spend less time in negative thinking and, in doing so, have strengthened their brain's reward pathway, known as the mesolimbic dopamine pathway. This, in turn, activates another area of the brain—the ventral striatum—which is strongly associated with motivation and reward.
In other words, the more positively you think, the more positively you feel and act. The more you do this, the more it embeds in your brain as a habit.
Now, you may be feeling a bit disheartened at this point if you are one of those who doesn’t feel they bounce back. Well, the thing is, some of it may be luck. But for the rest of us—and I include myself here—we have had to learn how to rewrite our stories. Yes, it can take practice, but that’s true of everything we’ve ever had to learn. Remember learning how to ride a bike as a child?
I could tell my own story as the “victim,” but I choose not to. I am someone who survived and healed. Yes, life still has its twists and turns for me, but I choose resilience and the flexibility of thoughts.
I remind myself daily that my thoughts are not facts. I look for the truth, and I definitely use humour—sometimes even dark humour. Find what works for you!
Here’s a little exercise to help you begin to say NO to “but!” Why not give it a go and see if you can start to make some steps toward changing your story?
Which of the following common “buts” has stopped you in the past?
· But, it’s too hard.
· But, it’s too risky.
· But, it will take too long.
· But, it’s overwhelming.
· But, I don’t have time.
· But, I’m too tired.
For each “but” you commonly use, write a positive affirmation statement. For example, change “I don’t’ have time” to “I will make time for what is important to me”
